Wednesday, March 14, 2012


Ella came home from school.

The same old routine kicked into gear.

I asked her how school was. She gave me the run down. I askd what were the good parts? What were the bad parts?

Usually the bad parts consist of "nothing was was awesome".

But not today.

Ella explained to me that some boy in her class has been calling her fat and ugly.

What?! WHAT??! Who was this kid and where did he live?

I called Ella over, gave her a hug and asked her how she felt about what he'd been saying. Her shoulders shrugged and she said they hurt her feelings but she knew that what he said wasn't true.

I was filled with a variety of emotion, but most of all I was proud.

Proud of her and her confidence.

I could care less if the boy or anyone for that matter thought my child was pretty or's not about him/them. What I cared most about was how she felt about herself and if she knew her worth even if others didn't.

I know some of you might be thinking that perhaps the boy is teasing her because he likes her, I've heard that said before to other kids. That may be, but what does that teach my kid if I tell her that the reason why a boy is calling her names and treating her poorly is because he likes her?

Will she then think the "norm" of a relationship is to have someone who treats you less than what you are and deserve because that means they care?

This incidence got me thinking...choppy, fast thoughts of things I needed to write down, talk about with Bret and share.We spend a lot of time teaching the girls to see beautiful things in everyone they meet. To find the good in all things.

I need to remember to do the same thing I am teaching my girls. I get laxidasical in making sure I'm only saying or thinking well meaning, good and positive things about people, situations and life in general.

I'm sure the boy at school who called Ella those things didn't come up with those on his own. I wonder if he's heard those same words come from a parent or someone he looks up to?

I know 100% that my kids have heard not so great things come from me and I need to do better at making sure that I am practicing what I preach.

Lately we've had talks with Ella with a couple of things she has said to her sister or more recently something that was said to a friend.

Though they weren't meant to hurt they still did and when asking her why she said the things she said she didn't even understand what she was saying.

Could this be the case with this boy? Who knows...but it did make me think that I need to be sure to teach my children to be aware of the things they say and if they don't understand a phrase or what they want to say, then don't say it. To think before they talk.

Isn't this what we all need to be doing as well?

It scares me to see what pressures my children are going to be growing up in. It scares me to know that I have to do all that I can to instill in my children the knowledge that they are wonderful, beautiful,intelligent human beings, then let them go out into the world and let them fend for themselves.

If they fail out there in that regard...then it's on me.Father's are important, especially when it comes to their daughters.

Having a good male role model in your life, one that you look up to, who treats you with respect, tells you you're beautiful, smart, confident, who shows by example that he respects womanhood by the way he treats the women in his life is crucial.

I can tell my girls how great they are and how beautiful they are and they appreciate it but there is something about when Bret tells them that makes them beam.

I know Bret's involvement with my girls directly affects their confidence.I know I'm not the first mom to have things like this happen to their child, but for me this was the first time it's been personal. It has reminded me to be sure to be continuously teaching my children their worth.

I'm glad Ella was smart enough to know her worth.

I'm supposed to be the one teaching my children, but this is yet another example that I find my children teaching me.


Melia said...

Great post today!

Melanie said...

Oh that makes me sick she had to hear that and I can't imagine what it feels like as a mother. I'm so glad she is confident. You are a good mother.

Hays said...

breaks my heart.

what an amazing girl you have. and what an amazing job you and bret are doing at parenting her.

Paola said...

I love this post, every word is so perfect!
I feel the same way about NEVER telling my daughters that a boy is treating them poorly because he likes them, who in the world came up with that?
As mothers all of us will have something like this happen to our children at one point or another. I absolutely agree with you that we must build their confidence at home.
Tell Ella I think she is BEAUTIFUL!
And I am glad she already knows!

Debbi said...

I want to give Ella - and YOU a great big hug too! You response is really good, and I love your post.

It seems like Gage (and his other friends) have come across more things like this in second grade. Makes me sad that they are growing up and coming across mean parts of this world so early.

emily kate said...

Oh that makes me mad that some boy would say that to your sweet girl. But I am so impressed with how you handled it. I know I would have reacted emotionally and said something about how he just likes her (like you said, bad thing to teach your daughter) or that he's jealous because maybe he thinks she's pretty (again, what would that teach her?) But you handled it so well. I'm filing this away in my brain for the day I have to deal with a conversation like this. I hope I'm able to say the right things.

And I just love that your bright girl knew what he said wasn't true. I hope she always stays so confident!